If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

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At a Singapore book fair, P.G. Publishing's best-seller was 101 Questions and Answers About Pregnacy and Childbirth. This was entirely natural considering their best-seller the previous year had been 101 Questions and Answers About Sex. 

People usually said that children don't know the value of money. This is not true. Children don't know the value of YOUR money, but for THEIR money they know the value of. 

It's an age of paradox when we have mobile homes that don't move, sports clothes for work, junk food that cost more than the real food, and sweatshirts to loaf in.  The caracters Bert and Ernie on "Sesame Street" were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's film It's a Wonderful Life.  Some people think life begins at conception, while others think life begins at birth. But some believe that life begins when the kid moves out and the dog he left behind dies. 
When a man goes to his closet and says, "I don't have anything to wear," what he really means is "I don't have anything clean to wear."  The only good thing about being imperfect is the joy it brings to others.  When a woman goes to her closet and says, "I don't have anything to wear," she really means, 
"I don't have anything new to wear." 
Nothing makes you feel older than the discovery that your children are studying in history class what you studied in current events.  A  clean basement means a cluttered garage.  You spend 18  months trying to get your children to stand up and talk, and the next 18 years to get them to sit down and listen! 
A cocktail party is an affair where a mans gets stiff, a woman gets tight, and they return home to find that neither is either.  The length of a minute depends on which side of a bathroom door you're standing on.  A neighbour will stand at your door talking for 20 minutes because she doesn't have time to come in. 
No one can make you feel more humble than the repairman who discovers you've been trying to fix it yourself.  Job security does not exist!  The real head of a household is the one who has custody of the remote control. 
For a good neighbour, it's hard to beat one who doesn't turn his snowblower around at the property line.  No matter how many TV channels you switch to, you always get a commercial.  The way some houses are built, the only thing that'll last 30 years is the mortgage. 
Some people are so determined to find blissful happiness that they overlook a lifetime of 
When someone ask if you have a minute, he or she is really asking for 20.  A parking meter is the only place where you literally can buy time. 
A true music lover is a man who puts his ear to the key hole to listen to a beautiful woman 
singing in the tub. 
A wine boutique is set up for visitors to buy the wines they've been spitting out for drinking later.  The person who spends all of his or her time at work is not hardworking; he or she is boring. 
Polititics is a lot like religion. Except in politics, it's your opponent who confesses your sins.  Long hours don't mean anything; results count, not effort.  Career planning is an oxymoron. The most exciting opportunities tend to be unplanned. 
Our real world dictionary defines a pessimist as an optimist with experience.  Write ideas down; they get lost like good pens.  The size of your office is not as important as the size of your paycheque! 
The best thing about not saying anything is that it can't be repeated.  Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older. Assume no one can/will keep a secret. 

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To escape the grip of a crocodile's jaws, push your thumbs into its eyeballs -- it will let you go instantly. 101 Dalmatians and Peter Pan (Wendy) are the only two Disney cartoon features with both parents that are present and don't die throughout the movie.
Charles Lindbergh took only four sandwiches with him on his famous transatlantic flight. Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots.
In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak. Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
Studies show that if a cat falls off the seventh floor of a
building it has about thirty percent less chance of surviving than a cat that falls off the twentieth floor. It supposedly takes about eight floors for the cat to realize what is occurring, relax and correct itself.
Ivory bar soap floating was a mistake. They had been overmixing the soap formula causing excess air bubbles that made it float. Customers wrote and told how much they loved that it floated, and it has floated ever since.
The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds. The band Duran Duran got their name from an astronaut in the 1968 Jane Fonda movie "Barbarella."
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. Cleo and Caesar were the early stage names of Cher and Sonny Bono.
If you toss a penny 10000 times, it will not be heads 5000 times, but more like 4950. The heads picture weighs more, so it ends up on the bottom. The Ramses brand condom is named after the great pharaoh Ramses II who fathered over 160 children.
If NASA sent birds into space they would soon die; they need gravity to swallow. Armored knights raised their visors to identify themselves when they rode past their king. This custom has become the modern military salute.
The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin during World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo. It was discovered on a space mission that a frog can throw up. The frog throws up its stomach first, so the stomach is dangling out of its mouth.Then the frog uses its forearms to dig out all of the stomach's contents and then swallows the stomach back down again.
Goethe couldn't stand the sound of barking dogs and could only write if he had an apple rotting in the drawer of his desk. Sylvia Miles had the shortest performance ever nominated for an Oscar with "Midnight Cowboy." Her entire role lasted only six minutes.
Playing cards were issued to British pilots in WWII. If captured, they could be soaked in water and unfolded to reveal a map for escape. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes. The saying "it's so cold out there it could freeze the balls off a brass monkey" came from when they had old cannons like ones used in the Civil War.The cannonballs were stacked in a pyramid formation, called a brass monkey.When it got extremely cold
outside they would crack and break off...Thus the saying.
Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks otherwise it will digest itself. 'Stewardesses' is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.

The Concise Oxford Dictionary of Quotations (Oxford Paperback Reference) - by Angela Partington (Editor) 
Click here to find out more An ideal reference for any home or office library, and an inspiration for public speakers, writers, or anyone else who enjoys a sparking line or a spirited reply, "The Concise Oxford Dictionary of Quotations" contains more than 9,000 wise and witty quotations from over 2,000 sources.


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Jewish Humor : What the Best Jewish Jokes Say About the Jews
by Joseph Telushkin 
Click here to find out more Rabbi Joseph Telushkin is as celebrated for his wit as for his scholarship. In this entertaining book, he displays both in equal measure, regaling us with one punch line after another, interspersed with perceptive insights into what Jewish humor tells us about how Jews see themselves, their families, and their friends, and what they think about money, sex, and success. This humorous and wise portrait of the Jewish collective unconscious is destined to become the classic work on the subject. 

The Dictionary of Cliches
by James Rogers 
Click here to find out more Cliches, the "coin(s) so battered by use as to be defaced," are anathema to Partridge. He says "their ubiquity is remarkable and rather frightening," and while he likens proverbs to expressions of wisdom, he says cliches are instances of "inanition." And so, from "abject apology" to "your guess is as good as mine," he lists, explains, and categorizes over 2000 trite and tired phrases to avoid -- "at all costs." 

'Frankly My Dear...' : The World's Greatest Comebacks, Snubs, Insults, One-Liners, and Last Words
    by Katherine Greene (Editor), Richard Greene (Editor) 
Click here to find out more Hundreds of quotations are remembered from those clever (or lucky) people--fictional and real -- who managed to say the right words at just the right time. Masters of the art include Dorothy Parker, Winston Churchill, and Groucho Marx. Laugh (or wince) at these snubs, comebacks and last words. 

The International Thesaurus of Quotations
by Eugene H. Ehrlich (Editor), Marshall Debruhl (Compiler), Marshall De Bruhl (Contributor)
Click here to order This edition of The International Thesaurus of Quotations is a must for every serious writer or public speaker. Arranged as a true thesaurus the reader can quickly locate pertinent quotations under any of 1,000 topics. The quotations contained are timely, poignant and brief--just the thing to open or close a speech, bolster an argument, or get a laugh. 



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